Are you trapped in the story of your struggle and pain? Do you trust yourself to listen deeply to your body and to be able to hear what it needs? Are you holding that space for yourself?
Over the last 7 days I have been going through a deep process of witnessing the residues of ancestral burden being cleared from my system. It’s brought me physical discomfort and emotional sensitivity. I have spend most of my time working with my parts that are worried and want to freak out – so i can stay in self energy and simply witness the energy being transmuted. I didn’t want my parts to get in the way of this process by attaching onto any story that I am weak, sick, unwell or going on a worrying medical trajectory. To trust that this is just a deep purge going on that I am witnessing has been a big job in itself. I am grateful to have put the work in over the years to be in a good place to do this.
When I was 18 I had my entire large bowel surgically removed due to a condition called Ulcerative Colitis where my entire large bowel became ulcerated. I was in hospital for a month before they operated to remove it. Over the last 2 months I have been doing lots of emotional and energy work, as we all have been doing in the container of my Sacred Ceremonial Space-Holding Training, to clear the old imprints of the energies that caused me to become so unwell at such a young age.
I realised at a plant ceremony 2 months ago that I had chosen to take on the ancestral burdens and that was why my large bowel developed the condition at a young age. I managed to set an intention to release any burdens that I chose to take on at that ceremony and had the biggest purge of my life that night.
When I went to Mauritius in May I started a 40 day process to honour my ancestors and to listen and see deeply what patterns are playing out in and around me. Last Tuesday when I started to get intense discomfort in my bowel, was the 40th day of my commitment to clearing the ancestral patterns. So this last week I’ve been witnessing as I have been releasing the last residues of the energetic imprints of the energies I chose to take on.
Today at an Energy Medicine session with my therapist – what was very clear was that the energetic blockages have affected my left side predominantly – which is the Divine Feminine aspect. Every time the deep vibes of my therapist’s hands, the tuning fork or crystals were penetrating deep into the energy fields and layers – I was feeling all sorts of sensations in different parts of my left side. What is clear from this – is that my Divine Feminine is longing to come back into alignment for me to step fully into my power.
As I went deeper and deeper – listening to the messages form my body and the intuition form my higher self… As I asked the questions and opened myself to see – it became even clearer. The burdens I chose to take on forced my parts to keep me smaller and quieter than I am. Those of you that know me, know that I am a force to be reckoned with, and so how can this be about being more? Well – this isn’t about being or doing more – this is about doing it more efficiently – and swapping out unnecessary and inefficient ways of doing things, for the necessary ones – the ones I really came here to do. This is about what I am doing rather than how much I am doing, or how well I am doing it. This is about no longer being afraid to say the things I want to say, or keep myself out of the media or from speaking up about things and themes I have experience and expertise. I have worked o the ground for 15 years with the most vulnerable people in society – I know how to organise social action and humanitarian projects – I understand how to work with trauma – I know how to stay in my power and create unshakable stability – yet I hardly ever speak about some of these things.
Right now – at this very moment – 5 of my nearest and dearest Soul Sisters is going through the same thing – experiencing intense physical symptoms that on one level are unexplainable – like an 18 day menstrual bleed for one sister, and a cyst suddenly erupting after a decades of laying dormant. I see in my clients and students all around me, both men and women, going through a deep witnessing of a phenomenal purging taking place in their system. Yet, I’m seeing more women than men going through it. Getting into the physical layers of the body and energy system, to literally expel deeply buried energy that is not longer able to live within the new vibrations they are cultivating.
Our systems – our parts – have had to create a conditioned identity, or karma to protect ourselves from the harsh realities of the world. This is because of the unsafe and traumatic experiences we had in the past. I feel in some way it’s a deep purging of old burdens that have are now being forced to clear – because it is no longer in alignment with the vibration we hold. We made a strong commitment and intention to step into our potential and align to our highest. That has upgraded our vibration and now the natural energies of the universe are organising themselves in order to get things back on track for us.
I’m taking the medicine that I am sharing with you all. The medicine of deep witnessing. I’m just doing a basic practice of meditating, reiki, good nutrition and supplements/herbs to get through it and slowly things are releasing and I’m feeling better. Today has been a better day and hopefully tomorrow will be too, as I continue to hold space for myself to witness and know that it is clearing.
I wanted to share this so you all know you are not alone in whatever is clearing for you. We are not broken, we don’t need fixing. We can trust in the radically healing power of witnessing from self. The parts work I have been doing through my own therapy has been to soothe parts and get them out the way so that I can bear witness to the natural clearing that is occuring. I hope that you can find that space within yourself too. Love you all